Confessions

Before I get started I need to say this I do not want another baby right now.


Here lately, and I am going to go ahead and blame it on every prego and tiny baby I’ve seen, I have been missing it. I’ve been missing my pregnant belly, missing the feeling of my little tiny babe kicking inside of me. I miss feeling him roll and flip, I miss hearing his heart beat on that little box and seeing his tiny little profile on that little screen.

I miss the new baby smell, the grunts and coos, the way he would snuggle up to me and fall asleep as he nursed. I miss how I could cradle him in my arms and hold him close.

My little man is growing up so quickly, I feel like the last 14 months have flown by. Where did the time go? I am working on a project that may or may not become grandparent Christmas gifts, I haven’t decided if we can afford it or not but I’d like to do a photo book for each set of grand and great grandparents. It would have pictures of Parker from his first moments on earth to the most recent pictures I have. Hopefully I can get them all together and have them made.

Anyway I am no longer the momma of a little baby; I’m the momma of a toddler. A toddler who climbs out of bed! Not his crib but mine and Michael’s bed…he just rolls onto his tummy and scoots down like he’s done it forever. He is a toddler who walks, talks, has a definite personality and knows what he likes and doesn’t like.

Yesterday afternoon I just about died from the cuteness overload. I left work early because I felt sick; I got home, got in bed and was watching Dr. Phil and Oprah when I heard the door open. I laid there waiting for Michael to come in and say hi when I heard a –clump clump clump clump- of little footsteps across the wood floor and then the muffled sound from the carpet. Not long after they stopped and the most adorable boy I’ve ever seen poked his head in the doorway and smiled at me. He had a look of such joy, like he had been looking forward to seeing me all day long. I melted right there. After smiling he tried his darndest to run into the room but stumbled, when he got up and came to the edge of the bed he held his arms up for me to pick him up and put him on the bed with me. I gave him a big hug and he gave me a little kiss, it was so sweet. Then he proceeded to roll all over the bed or stand up and then fall back onto his hiney and say “Boom” until I decided we should probably go see what Daddy was doing.

I guess now that Parker is getting older and more independent from me, I am beginning to miss my little baby. I’m sure it’s only natural for moms to miss it. I know Parker still needs me in many ways but he isn’t content just sitting in my lap anymore, he must be doing something every minute. He is so curious and is learning so much right now, it’s amazing watching him grow…

I remember telling Michael that I wanted to try to have another baby when Parker was 18 months old, that way when baby number 2 was born Parker would be just over 2 years old. At the time, I thought that would be perfect! Now…I’m thinking we’ll be waiting until Parker is 3. If the next 2 years go by as quickly as this one has then it won’t be long, but I’m just trying to enjoy every moment with my little boy.